if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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