mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
