I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
