If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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