just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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