I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.