he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."