I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic