woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
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SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count