after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.