I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
