Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
