none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
