butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
