he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
