some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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