yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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