I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
