Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
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You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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