Whoa Z and x make the same sound
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
