ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.