so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....