I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....