so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
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She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.