It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.