Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.