I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
