This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
