Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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