you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
