If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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