he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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