I hate all girls vehemently.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Green mimosas i think yes
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
