So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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