sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
