I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize