Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
