So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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