someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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