So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
