chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
