I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize