dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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