Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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