I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize