My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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