I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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