Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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