god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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