I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
