I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
