I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
