Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
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he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
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I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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