tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
