I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
