ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
