I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
