I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
