It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
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So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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